


hyukchul | don't make it into a big deal

by plincess_cho (ai_hao)



Series: Fic Requests [48]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: Author: Ai, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:04:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dialogue Prompt: "Don't make it into a big deal."</p>
            </blockquote>





	hyukchul | don't make it into a big deal

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HzGL_A1A5w

When he first meets Kim Heechul, Lee Hyukjae is only mildly put off by him. Maybe it's the oddly colored hair, the weird conglomeration of clothing he calls an "outfit," or the way he over exaggerates everything he says. He wants to be an actor, not a singer, he tells the younger boys. Hyukjae doesn't pay him much attention. He's going for dancing after all and figures there's a 0% chance he and Heechul will be in the same group. 

But then DBSK debuts and the reject trainees are all shuffled together into another group. A project group, they're told. That probably won't last more than a year. Hyukjae eyes the other guys in his group warily. The 11 of them have been training together for years now. They're practically brothers, but now SM has them all turning against each other. If they're not good enough, they'll be rotated out. There's no room for brotherhood in this competition.

Heechul's in his group. Based on what Hyukjae has seen, he's not the best dancer and his voice is so-so compared to the main vocalist Jongwoon. Hyukjae doesn't want to say it, but he's pretty sure that Heechul won't be his competition. But he doesn't have time for friends. He doesn't really have time for anything now.

*

They're up to 13 now and SM tells them no one will be rotated out. Hyukjae doesn't really believe them. It's not the first time they've been lied to, and Hyukjae doesn't want to get his hopes up. Again.

The new kid Gyuhyun is awkward, and his head is too big for his skinny body. He sings amazingly well and it makes Jongwoon and Ryeowook nervous. But they record a new single "U" with him and have their first win, so maybe he's not that bad after all.

Since their debut, Hyukjae's gotten closer with his bandmate Donghae. They're the same age and match really well together, and Hyukjae wishes everyone in the band fit together as well as he and Donghae do. He and Shindong have the same interests and talents, which is a blessing and a curse. The older boys are harder to get close to: Jungsoo has so much on his plate as the leader that he's constantly worried about all 13 of them; the Chinese hyung Hankyung is nice but speaks like no Korean; Jongwoon is weird; Youngwoon is very masculine; Sungmin isn't; and then there's Heechul.

It's not that he hates Heechul or anything. They're just... not... friends. And with 13 guys in one band that's doomed to fail, their lack of friendship will probably go unnoticed. Or so he hopes. 

*

They're warming up for their performance of "U" at Music Core, and everyone's nervous. It seems like Heechul is the only one who isn't. He's bounding around the room flirting with the coordinoonas, making fun of Hankyung, and pestering Siwon. Hyukjae tries to take deep breaths as he goes through his dance solo one more time, but he's still infinitely nervous. Heechul prances by and gives Hyukjae a bright smile. "Loosen up, kid," he says. "You look like a robot." Hyukjae offers a weak smile in return and refrains from telling Heechul that's the point of the dance.

It's finally their turn and they all set themselves up onstage in their somewhat egregious purple outfits. At least Hyukjae doesn't look like an Indian chieftain anymore. That was  _bad_. He adjusts his microphone and the music starts. They're singing live today, as if the pressure to dance well wasn't stressful enough.

Siwon starts out strong, and the ELFs chant out "CHOI SIWON" after he finishes his line. Donghae's next and Hyukjae can tell he's exhausted. When he's not up practicing, he's up worrying about his father in the hospital. Hyukjae knows he's really sick; Jungsoo went to the hospital that week to see him but made him swear not to tell Donghae about it. "He doesn't want his son to worry," Jungsoo explains.

Heechul pops up and waves that ridiculous fan someone decided he needed and sings his lines. He finishes with that creepy smile of his and is about to turn back when his voice cracks painfully. As he walks to the back, his entire aura changes and his eyes grow dark. 

"What the fuck was that?" one of the managers remarks under his breath as they're walking off stage.

"Whose idea was it to let them sing live?" another replies. 

Heechul walks into the dressing room like a black thundercloud and the anger on his face threatens anyone who comes near him. They get back to the dorms and he locks himself in his room. Hankyung and Kibum sleep out in the living room and pretend not to care.

"Do you think they brought in Gyuhyun to replace Heechul?" Shindong whispers.

"Don't let him hear you say that," Jungsoo warns. "Not if you value your life."

Hyukjae doesn't want to find out what that means.

*

The netizen attacks start the next day.

 _Why is he even in the band if he can't sing?_  
_Even I could sing better than that ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_  
_He sings like my grandmothers._  
_Kick him out! >.<_  
_He's useless. Give his lines to Yesung!_

Heechul storms around the dormitory in a black cloud and refuses to talk to anyone until Hyukjae accidentally bumps into him in the kitchen. Heechul unleashes a tirade of curses and verbal abuse at Hyukjae before locking himself back in his room. Hyukjae doesn't even make it to the bathroom before he starts to cry.

After that, he plans to avoid Heechul as much as possible. As much as he doesn't like to admit it, Heechul scares him. Badly.

*

Life in the dorms goes from bad to worse in a matter of 12 days. After his long battle with cancer, Donghae's dad passes away on the 8th of August, and on their way back from the funeral on the 10th, Hyukjae gets a call that Heechul's been in a car accident. "He's been in surgery for four hours now," the manager tells him.

"Will he be alright?" Hyukjae asks nervously.

"His legs are crushed. He might never walk again."

_Oh._

* 

Hyukjae visits Heechul in the hospital once. He pays his dues and decides never to come back. Heechul is miserable and Hyukjae feels like his presence makes it worse. He stays back in the dorms with Donghae and tries to comfort him. He doesn't know what to do. They never covered this in training.

Junsu calls a week later. DBSK is prepping for their comeback so he hasn't been able to call earlier, he explains. Hyukjae almost understands. "It's okay," he says, but he doesn't really mean it.

"How's Heechul?" Junsu asks.

"Alive," Hyukjae responds.

"And Donghae?"

"The same."

Junsu tells him a little bit about their album, but Hyukjae doesn't want to listen. He knows he should be happy that his best friend got into the better group: the group SM thinks will actually succeed. DBSK has already had two Korean albums and a concert tour, and are currently working on their third Korean album and first Japanese album. Meanwhile Super Junior's second album has been pushed back because of the accident, and Hyukjae's worried their second album will never come out.

Not for the first time, Hyukjae thinks that life is so incredibly unfair.

*

 _He should have died in the car accident._  
_Useless. Why doesn't SM just get rid of him?  
_ _He's just bringing the others down. They should just cut him loose._

Hyukjae tries to flag all of the comments before Heechul can see them. It doesn't work.

*

"We're forming another subgroup," one of the business managers announces to the six of them seated around the table. Hyukjae looks around and his heart sinks a little bit. He should be happy: none of the main vocalists are in their group which means other people will get lines. But they have Kangin who can't dance, Shindong and Sungmin who can, Leeteuk who tries, and Heechul who can still barely walk. He uses crutches sometimes but spends the other half of the time hopping around looking ridiculous. "Super Junior Trot."

"So old people music?" Heechul asks. 

"We're... trying to cater to a different audience," the manager says.

 _You mean you're trying to make money instead of promoting us_ , Hyukjae thinks to himself.

The manager explains their new concept, their recording schedule, and how the hell Heechul is supposed to dance when he can't even walk. They're all pretty wary of the idea, but it's better than sitting around watching DBSK conquer Asia from the confines of their dorm rooms. The meeting ends and they all make their way out. Somehow Heechul's crutches ended up on the other side of the room. Hyukjae grabs them and walks them over before Heechul can hop his way across the conference room. "Here."

"Thanks," Heechul replies. And his smile is genuine.

*

Kyuhyun's in the car accident this time, and this time, he might not make it out. They're all gathered at the hospital now. Heechul looks torn between anger and worry. He's flanked by Han Geng and the new Chinese trainee, Zhou Mi. Kyuhyun's parents are there, as well as some of the other parents who live in Seoul.

Hyukjae is still in shock. Sora is clinging to him, sobbing into his t-shirt. The doctors let him and Shindong go after bandaging up his scrapes, but Leeteuk is still getting stitched up.

"What happened?" someone asks for the hundredth time.

Hyukjae can't speak. He doesn't want to speak. He thinks this is all just a bad dream and hopes he'll wake up soon, but the scrapes on his hands from pressing against the pavement sting too much to be an illusion. The image of Kyuhyun's bloody body strewn across the pavement will forever be etched in his mind.

_"Kyuhyun-ah, can you hear me? Please wake up. God, please help him wake up!"_

Heechul comes over and gives Hyukjae an awkward hug. "Are you alright?" he asks hoarsely.

"No," Hyukjae replies softly. And Heechul understands.

"Yeah," is all Heechul replies. He gives Hyukjae a pat on the back and tries to reassure him, but his eyes betray him. It wasn't even a year ago that he was in the hospital too.

No, they most certainly didn't cover this in training.

*

They finally release their second album almost two years after their first. Kyuhyun comes to recordings and practice sometimes, but only stays for a little bit. He sits in the back, comes in for his part, and then drops off to the side in exhaustion. Hyukjae can't really blame him, but he's still a little bitter about the whole thing. Heechul's still recovering, Kyuhyun can barely walk up the stairs, and Kibum is never around anymore.

During Super Junior T promotions, Hyukjae talked to Heechul a lot. They spent a lot of time together without Hankyung, Siwon, or Donghae, so it makes sense. Hyukjae learns that Heechul, despite his somewhat drastic mood swings, is a pretty legit guy. And after April, they sort of bonded over the car accident thing. Hyukjae thinks they might even be friends now instead of just members. 

They're rehearsing for "Don't Don" before a performance and everyone is losing it. Hyukjae thinks they all look ridiculous with their stage hair and street clothes, but he doesn't say anything. He tries to get through the rehearsal even though he's tired.

Halfway through the song, he sees Heechul bend over and start spitting out something red. Hyukjae immediately realizes what it is: blood. After the rehearsal, Hyukjae runs to get Heechul a bottle of water. "Hyung! Are you okay?" he asks, holding out the bottle. Heechul roughly grabs the bottle and turns away, without even thanking Hyukjae.

Maybe they're not friends after all.

*

Heechul informs the management and the members that he wants fewer singing parts. They're all kind of taken aback. After all, what member in a 13-member boy band wants _fewer_ lines not more? "Are you sure?" Jungsoo asks.

"Yes. I'm sure," Heechul replies. And that's that.

Hyukjae tries to talk to him after the meeting, but Heechul brushes him off.

And that's that too.

*

Heechul has been in a funk for weeks now. Half the members attribute it to Kibum announcing to them that he was going on hiatus... and promptly moving out. They couldn't tell anyone of course, because it wasn't official, but they all feel something missing. The only one allowed to enter his formerly-three-person-room is Hankyung and that's just because he's his roommate. Hyukjae's glad he lives on the lower floor: you can't feel the dark cloud of Heechul down there.

Hyukjae wonders if the prospect of a new album will cheer Heechul up until they get the choreo for their new song. It's called "Sorry Sorry" and sounds stupid but Hyukjae is just glad they don't have to wait for DBSK to put out another three albums before they get just one. They've almost finished running through the choreography when Hyukjae realizes that Heechul isn't there. At first, he thinks Heechul must be out filming, but one day, he's running out to rehearsal and runs into Heechul in the hallway of their dorm. "Do you have filming again or are you coming to rehearsal today?" he asks while rummaging through the pile of shoes for his sneakers.

"No and no," Heechul replies. 

Hyukjae stops and looks up at him. "If you don't have filming, why aren't you coming?"

"I'm not in the dance," Heechul shrugs. "Why bother?"

"Come today," Hyukjae says. "We'll put you in the dance."

But Heechul's already rummaging through the fridge for something to eat.

*

Hyukjae's surprised when Heechul actually appears at practice. He's got that long stringy hair that Hyukjae hates, but he doesn't care. Heechul pushes the mess out of his face and stands off to the side. He doesn't say anything, he just watches.

The other members run through the first part of the dance a few times before Hyukjae calls out, "Oh, hyung, we've left a space for you!" He waves Heechul over and explains Heechul's part.

Heechul tries to pretend he's not touched.

*

Heechul doesn't want to sleep in his room alone anymore. He looks at the two empty beds and thinks, not for the first time, about ending it all. He lays there, empty and alone, and realizes that he doesn't even have the strength to cry anymore. 

_I can't do this._

_...I don't want to do this._

The darkness continues to creep into the room as if it's creeping into him. He buries his face into the pillow and screams until his throat is sore and lays there lifelessly. 

_I can't._

There's a knock on the door. When Heechul doesn't answer, the knock comes again. "Heechul hyung?" he hears Hyukjae's timid voice.

"Come in," Heechul growls hoarsely.

Hyukjae cracks open the door and lets himself and Heebum in. The cat scampers onto the bed with Heechul and starts rubbing its chin against Heechul's shoulder. Hyukjae sits on Han Geng's empty bed and doesn't say anything for a long time. When he finally speaks, his voice is small and choked with tears.

"Are you going to leave?"

"Maybe." Leave this band, leave this world, either.

"Please stay," Hyukjae replies.

"You'll be better off without me," Heechul rasps in reply.

"No," Hyukjae replies forcefully. "We need you. I need you." He stumbles over to Heechul's bedside and falls on his knees next to the bed. "Please," he begs. "We need you."

* 

"Here," Hyukjae says. He pulls a plastic case out of a shopping bag and tosses it onto the table. "I finally bought you your damn headphones."

Heechul cackles and picks up the case. "Oh good, you got the ones I like."

"Thank God," Hyukjae says, rolling his eyes. "Now can you please post something on SNS? The fans are worried I'm going to end up dead in a parking garage."

Heechul hooks his arm around Hyukjae's neck and pulls him close. "Hmm, what should I say? How about this: My best friend Lee Hyukjae  _graciously_ bought me the headphones he stole and broke years ago. #don'tworryhe'ssafenow #untilthenexttime."

"How about #dontmakeitintoabigdeal or #illbuymyowndamnheadphones," Hyukjae replies.

Heechul pushes him away and smirks. "Hm," he scrolls through the photos on his phone. "Now to find the perfect naked photo to post..."

Hyukjae thinks he'd rather end up in the parking garage. But sure enough, Heechul picks a not too terrible photo and tags it #bestfriendleehyukjae. 

Maybe they are friends after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This got incredibly long so sorry the ending is fast. It got too lengthy and meh.


End file.
